Something in summer dreams..

The thin line that exists right now would be gone tomorrow.I have known this for quite sometime,but these days slipping past towards the favorable lies i tell myself have created a gap in memory .I have been in an unknown paradox that itself nullifies the need to pick up after stray thoughts.Though stray thoughts are my one and only solace where i get to relive the glory that behold my life aka the small little things i loved about it...my solitude...my ability to endure solitude...etc etc .Yet I feel as if there's a crack on my day a split in my time.

We are not labels...

it was in the encouraging awkwardness of it all,the wrinkled paper boats,silliness put in secret notes....play acting in the dreams created out of whispers....worlds were  made and broken ... whims and fancies breaking and making us..

post apocalyptic...

a month of relapses and struggles awaited,numbing the pain with the dullness of psychedelic promises..we were gone from the horizon .. not even in the speck of dust that floats towards me every morning...lost in the melody of laswell and the genius that was alexander  ...the perennial ebb and flow of  lost moments folded and tucked away..we take on a journey..

STRUCTURES OF A DOMINO DAY...

conversation starter :- when your friend wakes you up at 6 in the morning to talk,only of course to go back to sleep at 6.10.

conversation ender:- when you get whats app texts from unknown random people speaking as if they don't have a mother or sister,just after you have activated it,courtesy of some jerk..

BAD DAY...when your irrational horoscope mania shows you having a bad week all around..and the front page of a major newspaper shows the rape of a mentally challenged woman for years going unnoticed...

people i know

it took us the better part of the 10 years that we have known each other to become what we are ..and i guess becoming dysfunctional together created our mutual fascination for each other..we worked past the stages where the mislaid infatuation started and ended with little to none heartache... today he becomes the poster child for what i have always known..the best friend i will never have..
and yes i know you will be reading this at some point even after our RA  sessions of lofty promises...

i borrowed this from your fb..you take amazing pictures..

LOVE...

so this was the time...while laughing with my mother over her ongoing battle with food addiction and weight issue..i realise that i am absolutely ashamed of myself...of the way i loose self control of my emotions falling out of a relationship ...my dog i think understands me..a lot..to the point that he doesn't want to leave me if possible ...we are a lot alike happy with each other..happy with the life that we have found with each other...i feel his silence mostly speaks for the gradual loss he has endured in his small lifetime,you see he is barely three years old and already lost a mother ..an identity..a sense of freedom...he has been trapped by my fear of loneliness...i am going to leave him soon though..

KARMA..

you learn about the horrible thing that has happened to a person who you hated,and when you feel nothing but sad you know its over..you have what you wanted the most...the future.. 

TO LOVING AND LIVING

its been a couple of bad days..places and moments which made me slip up and be someone i never thought i would be.I lost my way, a little bit, this last year. But.. lately it’s been better. You know, um, it’s pretty amazing how.. temptation can be silenced by a ray of hope. for me hope  comes with a chance of new beginnings..new people and new life...and someday maybe somebody can  tell me that  you've got love figured out, because I got news for you; it’s pretty darn messy right now. But I guess it’s always been that way. Wanting to be loved, to find somebody that makes your heart ache in a good way.. feel understood.The journey goes on. Sometimes I traveled alone. Sometimes there were others who took the wheel… and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn’t me who’d arrived. It wasn’t me at all..And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely.Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.Yes, losing your heart`s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart`s desire? That`s all you can hope for. This year I wished for love…to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic, then give me that tragedy. Because I wouldn`t give it back for the world.Shaw was right. As we strain to gasp the things we desire the things we think will make our lives better: money, popularity, fame…we ignore what truly matters … the simple things… like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had.so i have decided i already have them..